


Only You

by JuliaBaggins



Category: The Martian (2015), The Martian - All Media Types, The Martian - Andy Weir
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, M/M, Regret, Romance, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-13
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-26 06:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 10,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4993948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuliaBaggins/pseuds/JuliaBaggins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris thinks he had lost Mark on Sol 6, blames himself when he hears that Mark is still alive and tries his best to get him back.<br/>To get an opportunity to tell him that he loves him...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I wish that I told you when you were still around

**Author's Note:**

> Soo this is my first fanfic for the Martian and I hope you like it; might write more of that in the future ;)

Chris woke up from his dream gasping. 

He sat up and tried to realize where he was.  
The Hermes.  
His quaters.  
Not on Mars anymore. 

He had been there in his dream, again, and it had felt so real.  
It was Sol 6, the dust storm, loosing contact to Mark.  
Thinking that his friend, his... that Mark had died on that goddamn planet. 

But as soon as he had told Commander Lewis that they should leave, that Mark was dead, he had been there.  
Mark stood there in his EVA suit and got back to the Hermes with them. 

Everything was okay and in his dream, Chris had just grabbed Mark and kissed him as soon as they got out of their space suits.  
Telling him with that one kiss of all the things he never had words for.  
And Mark returned the kiss, his lips so soft on Chris’…

That was the moment Chris woke up. 

The realization that Mark hadn't turned up magically before they left, that he was dead, settled in every cell of his body.  
It brought him to tears.  
But what broke Chris' heart most of all was that he had never told Mark. 

He had planned to confess his feelings as soon as they got back to the Hermes after Sol 31, dared to hope that Mark might feel the same way.  
And then there was Sol 6.  
All of his dreams crashed, his heart shattered into tiny little pieces.

And now he was back at the Hermes.  
Alone.  
Without Mark. 

He allowed the tears to stream down his face.

When he was around the others he tried to stay strong, to pretend that he had lost “just“ a crewmate like everyone else.  
But here, alone in his quarters, surrounded by nothing but darkness and silence, he wasn't strong.  
He was broken and he had lost the love of his life without ever telling him that he loved him, that it had been that way since they first met. 

Chris was ashamed of the thought, but in that moment, he wished he had died on Mars with Mark.


	2. No matter where you are, I’ll always think of you

Mark stared at the potato in front of him. 

Sure, he was hungry, but if there was anything he didn't want to see or eat it was a fucking potato.   
He would have killed - well, on the whole planet there wasn't anyone he could have killed, so he'd given a lot - for something else to eat.   
He tried not to think about for how many Sols more he'd have to eat potatoes. 

A memory reached his mind, a conversation he had had with Vogel about German food back on earth during their training. 

Alex had told Mark of all the things they did with potatoes in his country, stuff he had never heard of.   
After a long monologue about something called “Klöße” Mark had just shut him up by suggesting that after their journey to Mars (Mars! How excited he had been back then to go to Mars!) they could all visit him at home.   
So Vogel would be able to introduce them to German cuisine by trying it instead of only hearing about it. 

Alex’ face lit up in a big smile at the thought of his crew visiting him in his country and he instantly started to make plans about sights they should see.

Just in that moment Chris had turned up.   
“What do I hear there, Watney? Making plans for all of us?“, Chris asked with a smirk.   
“You will love it! Let me tell you about...“   
And Vogel continued to describe various aspects he loved about Germany. 

But neither Chris nor Mark really listened. 

Chris smiled at Mark and it was that special smile he sometimes got, the one that made Mark wonder if maybe, just maybe... 

Mark shook his head.   
He didn't want to think of Chris, or the way he smiled.   
Mark was on Mars, alone.   
He had to accept that. 

There while Chris was safe at the Hermes and Mark was grateful for that, though he missed him more than he ever thought he could miss someone.   
He missed Chris even more than non-potato-food or real music (fucking disco!). 

Now, that he was all alone on this damn planet, he admitted to himself how much he felt for Chris Beck. 

But he knew that it wouldn't matter, even if he wasn't stuck here while Chris was heading home to earth.   
Chris was not interested in him in that way, never had been.   
The way he smiled at Mark was just the way one smiles at a friend.   
Nothing more. 

Chris liked Beth, couldn't keep his eyes off of her, and Mark was glad he had never told the doc how he felt.   
This probably would have been awkward for Chris; mourning him as a friend while he was confused or maybe even disgusted by Mark's feeling. 

No, it was good the way it was.   
If anyone deserved to be happy it was Chris Beck.   
And as much as Mark would have loved to be the one to make Chris happy, he was alone on a damn dusty red planet while Chris was on a spaceship with a pretty and clever girl he obviously was attracted to. 

Fine. 

Mark wished them all the best.   
He tried to. 

But anyway, when Mark thought about Chris and Beth, making pretty eyes at each other at the Hermes, a few tears landed at his potato.   
He was glad no one could see him, crying like a baby because the boy he liked didn’t like him back and was millions of miles away.   
Like that wouldn’t happen to someone every day.


	3. Every death just leaves us faithless, faithless in defeat

Beth was not surprised to meet Chris in the Hermes' kitchen at 3AM.  
She had noticed by the dark circles under his eyes that he wasn't sleeping much either, and of course she knew why.  
For the same reason that she woke up most nights from nightmares, that Commander Lewis didn't share their meals with the rest of the crew.  
For the same reason that none of them could look at the empty chair while they ate together.

Beth could imagine that Chris blamed himself, though he couldn't have done anything, and she wanted to help her friend.  
She just hasn't found the right moment to talk about it.  
At least not yet.

"Hey", Beth said carefully as she entered the small room.  
Chris turned around to look at her, a mug filled with coffee in his slightly shaking hands.  
There were tracks of tears on his cheeks and he looked haunted, his eyes sad and empty.

Beth took the few steps till she stood right in front of him.  
Chris looked away from Beth; he tried to turn away, but she put a hand softly on his arm.

"Please, Chris, talk to me."  
He slightly shook his head and another tear escaped his eye.

"Honey, you can't go on like that. I mean I, I have nightmares and I don't..."  
It was hard for Beth, to put it into words, to tell Chris how she dreamed of reaching out for Mark when he was blown away in that storm.  
How she couldn't safe him.  
How she woke up gasping "Watney!" every night.

She felt herself crying and wispered "We all miss him so much."

Finally Chris looked at her and suddenly he put his arms around Beth, hugged her and buried his face in her soft hair.  
None of them said a word for a few minutes until Beth took a step back and smiled at Chris.  
He smiled back - it was a little, sad smile, though the first one he had shown in weeks.

"Thank you, Beth."  
Chris ruffled his hand through her hair.

"You're great, you know that? Glad you're on the same mission as me. Love you, little one."  
He hadn't really thought about his words, just wanted to express what she meant to him as a friend.  
How good it was to know that the others were missing him too, even if it was different for them.

But as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he realized what he had just said.  
Chris' eyes got huge in horror and he broke down to the floor.

Chris sat there, head between his knees, rocking back and forth.  
Beth tried very hard not to panic and wondered if she should call Commander Lewis.  
Instead, she got down to her knees and softly ran a hand along his back.

"Shhh. Calm down Chris. It's okay. I'm here, it's okay."  
"Okay?! I just said that I loved you!"  
Chris sounded horrified.

"Hey, listen Chris. I know how you meant that. I love you too, like a brother. I'd never think that you.."  
"No. You don't understand."  
Chris was hiding his face in his hands now.

"It was so easy, to tell you. But I never could... I never was brave enough to..."

The only other words Beth was able to understand between Chris' tears were "too late".

And she understood.

"You loved him. But you never told him."

Beth took Chris in her arms and felt the desperation wash over her.  
It was just not fair.  
None of that.


	4. I’ve got nothing left to live for, got no reason yet to die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris learns that Mark is still alive.

As the weeks passed, all of the crew got back into some kind of routine and slowly, it started to become easier.   
At least for most of them.  
They still mourned Mark and missed him, a lot, but they didn’t feel guilty anymore for laughing at one of Martinez’ jokes or looking forward to get home.  
They managed to do their job, to work as a team, and to comfort each other when it was needed.   
Mark’s death had left a hole at the Hermes, they knew that, but they were still a family.   
A family that would get through losing a member.

Chris’ tried to hide his feelings around anyone that wasn’t Beth; he pretended that he was starting to get used to it, too.  
When he was alone with Beth, he cried, she hugged him and they talked.  
About home, their journey, and sometimes even about Mark.  
Never about Sol 6.

They shared their favorite memories connected to him; remembered how he made them laugh.  
It helped both of them, though Beth’ heart broke every time when Chris’ eyes lit up for a small moment when he thought of something Mark had said or done, just to be followed by this incredible sadness.

And then they got the video message.

Mark was alive. 

The moment Chris heard that he felt like something big had hit him.   
He couldn’t think anymore, couldn’t breathe, nothing.  
His mind had fallen out of his body, he was floating through space, alone, and there was nothing that mattered anymore, just the knowledge that Mark was alive.  
That Mark was alive, and that Chris had left him.

“Beck?“ Lewis sounded concerned.   
It took an enormous effort for Chris to get back to his body, to put the words in his mouth.   
“Yes, Commander?“   
He didn't recognize his own voice, it sounded like a stranger.   
A stranger who had gone to hell and lost all of his energy.  
Someone who was defeated by just one sentence, one truth.

Chris’ vision got blurry.  
He saw that the others were talking again, their lips moved, but the words made no sense in his head.   
Suddenly, Johanssen appeared in front of him; she took his hand and led him away. 

They were in his room, sat down on the bed.

“Chris. I, I can't believe it.“   
Chris looked at his hands that were folded in his lap.   
“He's alive!“ Beth smiled as she said the words.  
Though she didn’t like the thought of Mark alone on Mars, at the moment, her happiness about her friend being alive was all she could feel.

“Yeah, he's alive. And it's my fault alone that he's stranded on fucking Mars!“   
Beth gasped, the smile was gone.  
“No! Chris, that's not true! I know you blame yourself, we all kinda do that, but none of us could have known he’s alive. We all left him while we thought he had died. Together. As a crew. Lewis...“

“Lewis wouldn't have left if I hadn't told her that he was dead!“ Chris shouted.   
He stood up, walked around in the room, scuffled his hair. 

“Chris, listen to me. None of this was your fault. All that matters now is that Mark is alive. And the NASA is going to safe him. They'll find a way. They just have to. And then you'll see him again and you can tell him.“

Chris tried to blink the tears away.   
“And how do you imagine that? 'Hey Watney, sorry for declaring you dead and telling the Commander to leave you behind on Mars. But you know what? I love you.' And then he's like 'Never mind Mars, doc. Love you too.' and we'll live happily ever after?“   
The bitterness in Chris' voice made it impossible for Beth to answer.   
She was speechless and just wrapped him in her arms, buried her face in his soft sweater. 

After a few moments of silence Chris whispered:  
“You really think he'll make it?“   
“Yes. We’ll get him back. And he won't blame you, I promise.“ 

'If only I could believe you.', Chris thought.


	5. Are you scared it's gonna last forever?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little scene between Beck and Lewis...

Learning that Mark was still alive was hard for the Hermes crew.  
Of course everyone was happy that their crewmate, their friend hadn’t died during their evacuation, but now they had to deal with the knowledge that they had left him behind.

Commander Lewis blamed herself that she hadn’t searched longer for him, although the others kept telling her that finding Mark would’ve needed more time and a destroyed MRM would have left all of them stranded on Mars.  
Staying there longer could have killed them all, while now all of them were still alive.  
She wanted to believe them, knew that they were right from a logical point of view, but her heart kept telling her that she was Mark’s Commander.  
And a good Commander leaves no one behind.  
Never.

Lewis noticed that Beck was struggling too and when she saw him sitting alone in their so-called Cafeteria a few days after they had learned that Watney lived, she took the chair next to him.  
Maybe she would get an opportunity to talk to him about the topic – of course she knew it was hard for the others as well, Beck and Watney had been good friends, but she needed the doctor focused on their mission.  
None of them could do anything to help Mark at the moment, so the best thing they could do was to stay focused and get home safe, hoping that he would make it too.

“So, Chris, how…”  
She tried a small talk, even using his first name, and was surprised at how fast he got to the topic she wanted to reach so carefully.  
“Commander. Would you have also stopped searching for him on Sol 6 if I had not told you that there is no chance that Mark was still alive?”  
His voice was trembling slightly and he looked as he was scared of what she would answer.  
Melissa remained silent.

“Please, Commander. I, I need to know that.”  
She saw the desperation in his eyes, something he knew how to hide most of the time.  
But now it was there, and she said what seemed the right thing to say.

“Chris. There is no way you could have known that Watney had survived while his bio monitor said something else. You did the right thing.”

He still didn’t look convinced so Melissa decided to lie.  
“Yes. I would have stopped searching in any case of events. I had to think of my crew, getting the four of you out of there alive.”

Chris opened his mouth to answer when Beth walked in.  
She greeted Melissa and smiled brightly at Chris.  
The left corner of his mouth moved a bit and some of the desperation in his eyes vanished. 

Lewis watched them for a moment, finally got up and said: “I’ll leave the two of you alone.” with a little smirk. 

On the way back to her room she wondered about Chris and Beth, if they were just friends and crewmates.  
They seemed to spend a lot of time together, especially after leaving Mars and learning that Watney hadn’t died like they thought.  
They were close, and the way Beth had smiled a few moments ago… Probably there was more between them.  
On any other mission she would have been furious at the thought of a relationship between two members of her crew, but in this case, she wasn’t.  
It seemed to help, make them happy.  
And a little bit of happiness was something they all could need.


	6. Right now you seem so far away, so much confusion clouds my way

They were going back to Mars. 

When Alex explained what the so-called Rich-Purnell-maneuver meant Chris did not have to think about it twice.  
He didn't care what the NASA would say or what they'd do once they got back to earth.  
He didn’t care that it was mutiny or that their mission would be 533 days longer than planned.  
He didn’t care for anything than the safety of the man they had left on Mars.

All that mattered was Mark, to find the safest way to get him home - though that still had the potential to kill him for a variety of reasons, but it was safer than the alternate options. 

He knew that his crewmates saw it the same way and he loved them for it.  
They really were a family and they would go back to get Mark.  
He couldn’t believe it, they were really going to be the ones to pick him up on Mars!  
Sure, Lewis had said they would get 24 hours to think it through, but none of them would change his mind.  
He could already see Beth planning the code to hack the Hermes’ remote control and he could hug her, he could hug them all.  
Chris knew that all five of them would give everything to get Mark back and that it would work.  
It had to.

Later, when he was alone in his room, Chris couldn't help but imagine how it would be to see Mark again.  
Was Beth right when she said that he wouldn't blame them, wouldn't blame Chris, for leaving him?  
He doubted it but dreaming had always been allowed, so Chris let wander of his mind, pictured Mark's face, his laugh, imagined how it would be to hold him, maybe even kiss him...

“Doc, you got a moment?“  
Chris opened his eyes and blinked at Vogel who stood in the door.  
“Ehm, sure Alex, what can I do for you?“  
He tried to focus on the man in front of him, to push away the thoughts of Mark that Alex had interrupted.  
“Burned my finger during a little experiment.“  
Alex showed him said finger and Chris finally switched fully into doctor-business. 

When he had patched up the wound Vogel thanked him and got up, but stopped again when he stood in the door.  
He paused, turned around.  
Alex looked like he wanted to say something but he remained silent.  
“Alex?“  
The German smiled at Chris, said “It's nothing. Thanks again.“ and got out. 

Chris was left behind wondering what had been on Vogel's mind.

When Vogel headed for the kitchen he met Beth and grinned at her sight.  
She smiled back though there was a questioning look in her eyes.  
“Hey Alex, what happened to your hand?“  
“Oh, that's nothing that could knock a fearless German out.“

She laughed and said “Yeah, sure. You should still see Chris about it."  
“Already did. Speaking of him - you're on your way to see the doc?“  
“Yes.”  
She wondered why he smirked at her answer.

“Chris, you got an idea what’s going on with Vogel?”  
Chris looked up at Beth from the file he had just started reading.  
“No, why?”  
“Well, I just met him few minutes ago and he seemed to be very amused to hear that I’m going to visit you.”

“Oh. When he was here with his finger... You think it might be possible he suspects we got something going on?”  
Beth thought about that for a moment.  
“Yeah, well, it’s possible. I mean, we're really close and spend lots of time together, so he might think that means we're more than good friends.” She said as she sat down on his bed.

“But I’m sure that will end at the latest when we got Mark back.”  
Chris looked at her in confusion and Beth laughed.  
“Seriously? You think you can still hide that hella big crush of yours when you’re actually at the same ship again and not millions of miles away?”  
He tried to manage an angry look and finally buried his face in his hands.  
To Beth, he looked like a grumpy puppy in that moment and it was one of the cutest things she could imagine.


	7. Just promise you won't let me go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of Mark's rescue is finally there...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update this time; I promise to be faster with the next chapter ;)

Finally, the day was there. After all the things that had happened during the last few months - from Mark destroying his opportunity to communicate with anyone to Chris praying that Mark would notice that he was driving straight into a dust storm, not to mention the time when the rover turned over shortly before Schiaparelli – now everything was ready. The MAV was prepared, the Hermes was close, everybody was ready. Everybody was waiting.

During the last time Chris had used his work to distract himself from his worries about Mark. Working on opportunities to get him to safety seemed like a good way to avoid thinking about all of the things that could go wrong.

But now, as he was lying on his bed, looking at the low ceiling, he couldn’t help the unwanted thoughts to enter his mind. He saw a destroyed MAV in front of his eyes, something going wrong with the Hermes, a lot of horrible things. Worst of all was the thought that he would miss Mark. That the distance could be too far or something like that. Chris imagined Mark, reaching out for him, before he flew away into the endless dark of space. To _die_. No, he would not think about that. He had thought that he had lost Mark once and it had nearly destroyed him; he wouldn’t survive a second time. He had let Mark down once. Not again. _Never_. He would die before he’d fail Mark again.

 

Chris was in the airlock together with Alex, both of them looking at the red planet underneath of them. The last time he had seen that, he thought it was the place where he had lost the love of his life. And now, nearly two years later, he was here again, to get said man back. Life was crazy sometimes.

After some jokes about being the first humans to get to Mars twice Chris decides the time is right to say something very important. He had made the decision while lying awake last night, but when he really thought about it, there had never been another option.

He asked Alex to release his safety line in case it wasn’t long enough. And of course Vogel said no, that Chris wouldn’t be the commander, and for a moment Chris wondered if he should tell the man next to him about his feelings for Mark. That he’d rather die trying to save him than to live without him. But it didn’t seemed like the right moment, especially as no one except Beth knew about the way he felt for their botanist ( _above all_ not even Mark himself). Furthermore, he thought that it wouldn’t be necessary. Sure, now while they stood in the airlock together, Vogel said he’d follow his orders. But Chris knew the German - later, if Mark’s life maybe depended on a few meters, Alex would do what Chris had asked him to. They all wanted Watney back.

Chris heard Beth counting down in his ear. He heard Mark’s voice, his voice he had missed so much, a voice he’d recognize anywhere at any time and that still sounded somehow different from how he remembered it, telling Lewis that he would see her soon. He was praying that everything would go right, for Mark’s unbelievable luck to stay with him just a little longer. Not long from now, he’d get to wrap his arms around Mark…

 

The MAV was not high enough. Furthermore, Mark seemed to be unconscious. From a medical point of view, Chris knew that this was the normal thing to happen at the enormous force influencing Mark at the moment, but still he was worried. So so worried. Mark had survived on fucking Mars for such a long time; it just couldn’t be wrecked at the very last step of the way. He needed Mark to get back to the Hermes, back to safety and later back to earth. Chris had no clue if Mark would return his feelings, but even if he didn’t Chris hoped that he would be able to forgive himself just a little bit if he saw that Mark was back.

Beth told him about the speed, eleven meters per second. That was fast, but he’d manage. 

And then, she said the unimaginable. They would be 68 kilometers away. 68 fucking _kilometers_. Chris imagined that his face showed the same horror he had heard in Beth’ voice. No, please not, not this way. 

 

The others were planning, thinking about ways to get the Hermes to the point where Mark’s MAV would be, but Chris’ couldn’t join their talk, he was unable to focus. The image was back in his mind, Mark floating off into space, his arms reached out for Chris, while he couldn’t reach him. 

Lewis tried to reach Mark, to talk to him, but there was nothing but silence. 

Suddenly, Chris had an idea – he thought about Mark wearing his EVA space suit and Beth was able to get him some data. It was not the best condition Mark was in, but as Chris told the others, he had spent 18 months on Mars. That had to leave traces. Chris felt a bit better now, since he had heard that Mark had a pulse. Sure, it wasn’t the best, but still, his heart was beating. Mark was _alive_ and as long as that was the case Chris wouldn’t give up. _Never_. They would save him.

 

Finally Mark was concious again, talking to them. When they told him that the Hermes would be way too fast at their rendezvous Chris thought to hear a hint of worry in Mark’s voice. They all knew that if none of them had one hell of a good idea they wouldn’t be able to get him. Chris wouldn’t be able to manage the 42 meters per second, and Mark knew this as well as Lewis and himself. Damn.

Mark suggested that he could do an “Iron Man” maneuver. If the whole situation hadn’t been so critical, Chris would have laughed at that because no one except Mark Watney could ever have such a crazy idea. He imagined Mark sitting in the MAV with the big hole at the front, smiling like a schoolboy at the thought of getting to fly through space like a stupid comic hero. He loved him for ideas like that, for his craziness, his optimism, but in that case it wouldn’t work. Martinez saw it the same way, and he was the ultimate expert – no Iron Man today, sorry Mark.

 

They decided to blow up the cargo hatch. Some people would maybe say that blowing away part of the spaceship you’re in while you’re in space isn’t really clever, but Chris knew that it was their only chance. And it still wasn’t an easy task - 13 meters per second, that would be tough, but he’d manage it. He _had_ to.

Vogel would build a bomb and Chris smiled at Mark’s comment that he’d always suspected the German to be some kind of a crazy scientist super villain. Mark was not really convinced of their plan and of course Chris knew why – it was dangerous and it could get all of them killed. He didn’t wanted his crewmates to die for him. But Chris also knew how none of them could go on with his life like before if this wouldn’t work out. It was not only himself that would be broken – Lewis would have to leave a crewmember behind a second time, sweet Beth would loose a friend who was like a big brother to her, Martinez a partner for his jokes, Vogel someone who made him smile by his comments about the importance of different sciences. 

They had all lost him once before, but this was different. The first time, on Sol 6, they had gone because they were sure he was dead, that they couldn’t do anything for him anymore. And now they knew that it was in their hands – not NASA, not anyone on earth could help them. 

It was just Ares 3, getting a second chance to rescue Mark Watney. And Chris knew that he wasn’t the only one who’d risk everything to achieve that.


	8. Wrap your wings around my body when I’m lost in the storm

When Chris was floating around the Hermes he met Beth and she said to him that he should be careful. He smirked, telling her that she was the one who should be careful as she would handle Vogel’s bomb. Before they parted, she grabbed his arm and kissed his helmet. Chris noticed the warm feeling in his chest. 

_Who would have thought that joining up with NASA would have me meeting not only Mark Watney whom I love with all my heart but also amazing friends like Beth and the others? Best decision ever. And now my crazy space-adventure will even bring me to getting Mark back._

Chris smiled. Today was the day to fight for his happiness. 

 

Chris was together with Alex again, waiting in the airlock. 

He fastened his security line; trying to avoid looking at the German next to him as he mumbled: “Remember what I said earlier?” 

Finally, he felt ready to meet Alex’ eyes and saw the understanding there. “I’ll do the right thing. Promise.” 

Chris knew what that meant. He could have hugged Alex if they weren’t both weren’t wearing their space suites and weren’t in the middle of a crazy rescue mission right in space – well, if all of the circumstances would be different. But still, he was very thankful that Vogel would let him fly without his security line if it would be necessary. Anything to get Mark back. 

 

The cargo hatch got blown away just as they had planned it and though Chris was pressed against the wall of the airlock he felt a bit relieved. It had worked and they wouldn’t be too far away anymore. They were going to get Mark. He would get him.

 

Floating through space was always a curious thing. Chris knew that he was damn fast but he couldn’t really feel the speed, or the cold or the lack of air around him, he could only judge by what he saw. There was this huge red planet underneath of him, looking rather innocent and not like it had taken his Mark away from him for so long. 

Finally, he saw it. He saw the MAV, coming closer and closer with every second. 

Chris felt the speed of his heart – now that Mark was so close to him after such a long time he was nearly scared to see him again. But also so happy. He wondered how he could express his joy, the sight of the MAV with Mark inside, the man he loved so close that he’d be able to see him and hold him in just a few moments.

“Jesus, Mark, what have you done to that thing?”

“You should have seen what I did to the rover.” Was Mark’s answer. 

Chris smiled and somehow he felt as this one smile would make up for all of the smiles he hadn’t been able to smile during the last months. Mark was there and he was joking and everything would be alright.

 

Chris grabbed the awning fluttering around the hole in the MAV. The hole that had nearly cost them everything.

And then he saw him.  
He looked at Mark.  
And Mark looked back at him.  
Chris’ heart seemed to skip a beat and time was frozen.

“I see Watney.”

“I see Beck.” 

He was able to see Mark’s lips moving as he said the words and it was the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on.

_I never want to see anything but you, Mark._

 

There were so many things he wanted to say to Mark but the only thing that made it out of his mouth was the question how he was feeling. _Could I have said anything more stupid? He has just spent like two fucking years on Mars?!_

“I… I just wanted… Give me a minute. You’re the first human being I’ve seen in eighteen months.”

Chris had to concentrate really hard to think of the rescue plan again after that statement. He hadn’t thought of it that way yet. Sure, he had thought about how it would be to see Mark again and what Mark could say but he had never realized that _he_ was the first person Mark would see after his time on Mars. This seemed like something really important. And he wondered if all of the happiness and relieve in Mark’s voice was there just because he finally saw another human again or if it had to do anything with the fact that said human was no one but him...

“We haven’t got a minute.” _Though I’d give you forever and more if I had a choice._

“We’ve got eleven seconds till the security line will be at her end.”

He got closer to Mark, reached out, and suddenly his hands were holding Mark’s.  
It wasn’t a real touch, like skin to skin, but it still was close to overwhelming him.  
_I’ve got you. And I’ll never let you go._

 

With some help from Vogel they made it back to the Hermes, to the airlock. 

Chris heard Lewis’ voice, how she told the world that they’d got Mark. That it had worked. It was still hard to believe but Mark was there and he could touch him, so it had to be true. 

He saw the big smile on Alex’ face as he looked at them and the full meaning of Lewis’ words made it into his mind.  
_We’re six people on board again. Our family is complete. He’s here, with us. Safe. Alive._

 

Chris and Mark were inside of Chris’ room. 

He found his hands shaking slightly as he got out of his own space suit before he turned to help Mark with his. 

And finally, he could look into Mark’s face. It didn’t looked exactly like it had on Sol 6; the long time on Mars had left tracks and it was visible that Mark had gone through a lot. But still, it was _Mark’s face_. Here, right in front of him, _in his room_. 

“What’s wrong, doc? You seem kinda shocked?!” 

Chris noticed the hint of worry in Mark’s voice and he wanted to tell him everything, he wanted to scream into his face that he loved him; he wanted to cup his face with his hands and kiss his lips and every scar that his time on Mars had probably left on his body. But he didn’t. He couldn’t.

“You” He managed to smile at Mark while raising his eyebrow. “need a shower.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments would make me really happy :)


	9. Hold me close just like the first time

Mark was finally sleeping. There had been a lot of medical checks to be done, NASA wanted to know everything that could be important in any way at least three times and the Hermes’ crew came by one by one to see Mark. Chris had seen him smile every time a new face turned up; he couldn’t even imagine how it must feel to be together with other people after all those time Mark had spent all by himself on a whole planet...

 

When Mark had started yawning, Chris told Martinez to leave, nearly pushing him out of the door. He turned around to see Mark Watney looking at him and his heart seemed to skip a beat. Chris was not yet used to how skinny Mark was, how visible his bones were beneath his skin, but that wasn’t it – what made Chris’ pulse speed up now was that he was not used to _seeing_ Mark anymore, not to speak of Mark _smiling_ at him. He had thought that he’d lost these smiles forever and now one was smiled in his direction. Mark’s smile got mirrored on Chris’ own face and it wasn’t leaving; not when he gently helped Mark to go to bed, not when he wished him a good night, not when he watched Mark falling asleep within seconds after he had laid down. 

Chris sat down next to the bed, caressing every visible feature of Mark’s skin with his eyes. He watched Mark’s sleeping face and had to withstand the temptation of running a hand through his hair, of touching him just to make sure that this was real, not some kind of cruel dream or heartbreaking hallucination. The day’s events played again and again in Chris’ mind and suddenly he became aware of how tired he was too, and maybe, if he closed his eyes for just a moment…

 

He was woken by Mark’s voice whispering his name.

“Chris?”

Chris opened his eyes, shooting a worried look in Mark’s direction.

“Mark? What it is?”

He sounded way more panicked than he would have preferred and something like a tired smile played around Mark’s lips.

“Nothing. It’s just… All of this feels so _surreal._ Leaving Mars, getting back here, seeing _you_ again…”

Mark’s voice trailed off and Chris carefully raised his hand to put it on top of Mark’s own that was lying on the blanket. Mark flinched at the touch, but as soon as Chris started to pull the hand back Mark stopped him by grapping his hand.

“Chris, sorry, but I fear I’m not used to touching other people anymore, it’s just…”

“Shh. It’s okay. Don’t worry, please.”

Mark smiled again and looked Chris deep in the eyes before his view shifted down, focused on their interlaced hands. The smile grew wider and Chris felt his heartbeat get to an incredible fast speed at that sight; Mark Watney’s smile was simply the most beautiful thing in the galaxy.

“That feels nice.”

Mark wasn’t looking at him while he said that, so Chris gently put a finger on Mark’s chin and lifted his head a bit, till their eyes met.

“It does feel nice indeed, Mark. I never…” _Never want to let you go again._ Chris didn’t say it, the unsaid words hung loosely in the air, but Mark seemed to understand anyway.

 

After a moment of silence that was filled by nothing but getting lost in each other’s eyes and feeling the connection between their hands, a yawn escaped Mark’s lips. He tried to play it off, but Chris’ doctor-side got the better of him and so he demanded that Mark got back to sleep. 

Mark finally agreed and made himself comfortable on the pillow again, a smile still on his face after he had closed his eyes. And his hand was still in Chris’, giving it a gentle squeeze. Chris leaned forward, took a deep breath and placed a soft kiss on each of Mark’s knuckles. Mark opened his eyes once more, a curious look in them, before he closed them again. 

They would have enough time to talk about _that,_ about that feeling that made both of their hearts feel oh so light – they had tomorrow and all those days to follow…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)
> 
> Nice comments would make my day ♡


	10. Forgive these words I'm yet to speak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris tells Mark how he feels, though things go different as planned...

„So, have you already talked to him?“

Chris would have liked to pretend that he didn’t know what she meant, to get a few more seconds to think about an answer, but this was Beth Johanssen he was talking to. Which meant he understand her question as soon as she had asked it, and of course she was aware of that. 

She raised an eyebrow while a little smile still played around her lips and Chris sighed when he admitted to himself that there would be no point in procrastinating or playing stupid. They just knew each other too well for that.

“No, I haven’t. I mean, not really.”

“Not really? What is that supposed to mean, Chris?”

He took a sip of his coffee and looked at her, how she sat at the opposite side of their table and watched him with her curious eyes.

“Well, I stayed with him when he fell asleep last night, and then he woke up and we were talking and somehow we ended up holding hands.”

Beth tried to avoid it, but there was still a small noise that escaped her lips when Chris mentioned Mark and him holding hands. It reminded Chris of a child that saw a bunch of puppies or kittens and he tried really hard to ignore it, to not start to blush.

“And do you…”

 

They were interrupted when Alex walked into the room, looking rather tired.

He murmured “Morgen” before he went for the kitchen and what Chris suspected would be a lot of coffee. Not that he would mind, not today. Even Commander Lewis had seemed more relaxed than usual when he had seen her in the morning, they exchanged heartfelt smiles, and the whole crew seemed to be in a state between exhaustion, relief and extreme happiness. There wouldn’t be many experiments done today and if Vogel would have some more coffee than he as a doctor would recommend usually then Chris wouldn’t care.

 

When Alex had joined Beth and Chris, coffee in his hand, they talked about their rescue mission, the blown up cargo hole, and Beth didn’t mention Chris’ feelings for Mark again. But when he looked at her he could see in her eyes that she wouldn’t just drop the topic.

Alex was just laughing at the thought of the faces of some of the people at NASA when they had informed them of the bomb when Beth suddenly jumped in her chair.

“Mark!” 

Her voice sounded higher than usual and Chris turned around, convinced that he just hadn’t heard right. But it seemed that he had, as no other than Mark Watney himself leaned at the doorframe and smiled that incredible smile of his. For a moment the smile was close to turn Chris’ anger down, but no, he was Mark’s doctor, and _how dare him to look that smitten when he knows perfectly well that he should be in bed!_

“What do you think you’re doing here?”

Chris managed to keep his voice as calm as possible, though Beth seemed to be surprised by his tone, judged by the look on her face. And she wasn’t the only one.

“Well, when I woke up I was alone and I thought that I could join…”

“Oh, so you thought you could just walk around our spaceship, without anyone to help you, after everything you’ve gone through?”

Chris wondered when he had stood up. 

Beth and Alex exchanged a look but Chris didn’t notice any of it; his eyes were fixed on Mark’s face, on the confused look in his eyes, and he wondered how he could be so _damn careless…_

 

“Mark, maybe it would be better if…”

Beth started, her voice empathic, but Chris would have none of it. This was his talk with Mark.

“Back. To. Bed. _Now.”_

He growled in a low voice and Beth fell silent almost immediately. She looked at Alex again, searching for help, but the German seemed to be out of words.

“Fine. Next time you should just tell me when you don’t want me around.”

And Mark turned on his heels, starting his way back to his, Chris’, whichever – to the bed he had been sleeping in. Chris stood there, speechless, eyes fixed on Mark’s back, when Beth suddenly appeared at his side.

“Chris Beck, could you please tell me _what the hell_ that was about?”

He remained silent.

“Go after him. Now.”

Secretly, Chris was thankful for Beth’ commanding tone as he wasn’t sure if he had been brave enough to follow Mark out of his own. But now he did, he hurried his steps and felt Beth’ burning looks following him.

Chris reached Mark a few meters before the room which wasn’t a real surprise, considering Mark’s health condition and Chris’ hurry.

 

“Mark.”

The other astronaut turned around and as soon as he saw Mark’s face, Chris’ heart shattered to pieces. Because there were tears in Mark’s beautiful eyes, not the hint of a smile which should always light up his features, and like a knife to his chest Chris was aware that he was the reason for that.

“Chris, listen, I’m sorry but…” 

Mark’s voice was rough and Chris felt the tears burning behind his own eyes. 

“Don’t you dare to apologize, Mark Watney.”

“But…” 

Mark fell silent without continuing his sentence and he looked even more confused and hurt than before. Chris could have punched himself in the face.

“Mark, I, well, … please, just listen to me.”

Mark didn’t say anything in respond, he just nodded. Maybe because he didn’t trust his own voice.

 

Chris took a deep breath and decided that this would be the moment. It was not like he could make the situation any worse, so he might as well say what had been on his mind that long.

“Mark, I’m sorry that I got that angry with you. But you _really_ shouldn’t be out of bed already, not before we’ve done way more medical checks and you’ve gained some weight again. And the reason, I guess, the reason why I was so angry… No, I don’t guess, I know it. The reason was that I simply can’t stand the thought of something, _anything_ , happening to you, not after I’ve already lost you once, and you _can’t_ just put your health at risk anymore, cause I can’t… I mean, after Sol 6, I…”

Chris felt his voice breaking and when he looked up again, after focusing on his own shoes for some moments, he saw that Mark had taken a step in his direction.

 

“Chris”, Mark’s voice was a whisper, “Please just tell me what you’re trying to say here. I, I need to know it, _please._ ”

The following look Mark shot him was what gave Chris the courage to start talking again because never, not in his whole life, he could imagine saying no to these eyes, looking at him like that.

“I can’t stand the thought of something happening to you again because I’ve lost you once, I thought you had _died,_ Mark, and I… I wouldn’t survive that again, I couldn’t…”

“And why is that?”

Chris was way too emotionally compromised to notice the spark of hope in Mark’s voice.

 

“Because I’m in love with you, you idiot!”

Chris’ brain had no time to register what he had just blurred out, to start to worry about the consequences, because suddenly, Chris found himself wrapped in Mark’s arms, and Mark was everywhere, and they were holding each other, and Chris was unable to think of anything else than Mark Watney, his warmth, his scent, his heartbeat so close to his own...

When Mark finally let go of Chris he still stayed close to him and carefully traced his fingers along Chris’ cheek. The younger man shivered and then, finally, Mark captured Chris’ lips with his own. It was a short kiss, no tongues, just a touch of lips to lips, and it was the most amazing thing Chris had ever experienced in his whole life.

 

After their lips had parted Chris opened his eyes to look at Mark. And there it was again, that precious smile, and both of them had tears streaming down their cheeks, but they didn’t mind. Because those weren’t tears of sadness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo, it's finally out :D 
> 
> I thought about how I wanted to tell Chris about his feelings for Mark for a long time before I settled with this, and I promise that a lot of fluff will follow!
> 
> Nice comments always make my day :)


	11. I'm asking you to take me to safety this time

“Beth, could I have a word with you, please?”

“Yes, of course, Commander.”

Beth followed Lewis to the kitchen area, where they would be alone, while she wondered what was going on. If it had been someone else next to her she would say that Lewis was smirking, but the thought of _Melissa Lewis_ of all people smirking – well, that was strange. As well as the kitchen as their destination, which indicated that whatever Lewis had on her mind couldn’t really be mission-related.

“Okay, I’ve got two simple questions. First, what is it between you and Beck?”, Lewis asked while she studied Beth’ face.

“We’re friends. Good friends.”, Beth simply stated. 

“And what about Beck and Watney?”

“Oh. Well, I don’t think that I should be the one to…”

“I saw them. Kissing.”

_“What?”_

Beth couldn’t believe her ears and Lewis smiled when she saw the younger women’s reaction.

“I was looking for Martinez this morning and when I heard something that sounded like an argument, I decided to go looking for it. Turned out that they had stopped arguing, cause as soon as I could _see_ them, I also saw that they were _kissing._ ”

“Wow. _Finally!_ ”

“So you knew?”

“Well, not really, I mean I knew how Chris felt, but I had no clue that they…”

 

“Have I just heard right?”

Martinez was standing in the doorway, huge eyes fixed on the two women. Beth stopped her sentence and shot him a questioning look.

_“Mark and Chris?”_

To everyone’s surprise, it was Lewis who answered, “Yes, it looks that way.”, followed by a huge smile.

Rick couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Now it makes sense why Mark would never shut up about our dear doctor…”

They spent a few more minutes in the kitchen together before everybody got back to work, still a smile on their face. Beth was wondering if she should talk to Chris about what she had heard, or rather _when_ she should do it – it was not as a curious girl like Beth Johanssen would have much of a choice when she heard that her best friend had finally gotten to kiss his crush. 

 

There while, Chris had helped Mark to lay down in bed again, his hand never leaving Mark’s. As soon as Chris started to get up, wanting to get his equipment for more medical checks, Mark made a sound of complain.

“Mark, I need to tell the NASA the results of your…”

“Hmm, just hold my hand a bit longer? I’m sure that a few minutes won’t be a big deal…”

Chris sighed, though he couldn’t help a smile playing around his lips. He sat down on the side of Mark’s bed and took the hand he had been holding in both of his. Mark smiled, and Chris started to wonder if he’d ever be able to say No to him.

“Thanks for staying with me…”, Mark said, still smiling. 

 

But Mark stopped talking as soon as he saw the horrified expression on Chris’ face. He sat up carefully while he squeezed Chris’ hands and studied him.

“Chris? Are you okay?”

“I’m so sorry”, Chris whispered.

Now Mark was confused.

“I’m sorry for leaving you behind on Mars. It was my fault. And I’ll _never_ forgive myself…”

Mark could see the tears in Chris’ eyes and tried his best to keep his voice warm and comforting, though the look on Chris’ face had added a little shaking to it.

“Hey, this was no one’s fault, and…”

“I was the one who pronounced you dead, Mark. It was _me._ If I hadn’t…”

Mark just shook his head and placed a finger on Chris’ lips to silence him.

“Chris Beck. You need to listen to me now, carefully. If you hadn’t made that decision, then every single one of us would have died on Mars. You, me, Lewis, sweet Beth, Vogel, Martinez. None of us would have survived it. And anyway, there was no way how you could have known that I hadn’t died, so don’t even try to argue with me about that. What you did was right.”

“But if something had happened to you, if Mars had killed you, later…”

A sob escaped Chris’ lips.

“But it didn’t. Stupid Mars didn’t kill me, I’m safe now, and I’m _here. With you._ That’s everything that counts. Come here.”

After a second of hesitation, Chris followed Mark’s invitation and leaned forward to hug him, extra careful because of his ribs.

 

“Now, what about these tests you wanted to run?”, Mark whispered into Chris’ ear while he ran his fingers through the younger man’s fluffy hair.

“I thought you said they could wait?”, was Chris’ answer, and Mark was glad to hear that his voice didn’t sound as heartbroken as earlier anymore.

“Sure, but I don’t want my favorite doc to get in trouble.”

Chris chuckled lightly and pulled away a bit, so he was able to look in Mark’s eyes. 

“Oh, you don’t?”

“Nah. And I guess that’s cause I may have fallen in love with him…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Nice comments make my day ❤


	12. And when you're standing in the shadow I could open up the sky

Lewis had just finished talking at their little meeting when Chris opened his mouth, giving Mark’s hand he was holding underneath the table a short squeeze.

“We… Mark and I have to tell you something. There was a lot that all of us had to go through during the last months, and since we got Mark back…”

Chris was so busy rambling that he didn’t notice how his shipmates exchanged meaningful glances or the chuckle that Beth tried to suppress. Mark watched him for a moment with an amused glimmer in his eyes before he finally decided to take matters into his own hands.

“We’re dating. As far as you can call it dating when both of you are trapped somewhere in the middle of space”, Mark simply said.

Chris gasped and both of them were looking at their friends with wide eyes. Expectation soon turned into confusion when they realized that no one seemed to be even close to being surprised.

 

“Good that you decided to share this with us, though it wasn’t much of a new information. Now, I would really appreciate it if everyone would go back to their work”, Lewis said in a stern voice, but there was a smile playing around her lips.

Martinez clapped Mark on the back before he walked out of the room, Beth softly ruffled both of their hair and soon, Mark and Chris were alone with Vogel. The German was just looking at them with an unreadable expression.

“So, everyone already knew?”, Chris asked, and Mark loved the part nervous part relieved and part happy thing that his voice did there.

“I can’t speak for the others, but to me… One just needed to be in the same room as the two of you to see it. And when we thought you had… Well, after Sol 6, I was pretty sure I had been right. Which makes me even happier now that everything worked out. As in, without one of you being dead or at another planet.”

“Wait, you mean you already knew about our, well, feelings before my little abidance at Mars?”

“One would have needed to be blind not to.”

When he saw their surprised faces, Vogel murmured something that sounded suspiciously like _“Americans”_ and left the room with a smile.

 

“Now that went different than I would have expected”, Chris chuckled when Mark and him were finally alone.

“Our story involves me being trapped on another planet and you flying through space to safe me. You wouldn’t think anything to go down as people would expect after that, would you?”

“No, not really. And I wouldn’t want it to be anyway else.”

Mark raised a hand to carefully cup Chris’ cheek when his grin turned into a loving smile, and shortly after, Mark was kissing that very smile off of the doctor’s lips. 

 

“Speaking of planets…”, Mark whispered when they finally parted and rested their foreheads against each other’s, “have you ever thought about what will happen when we get back to our own? Like, the blue one?”

Chris felt as if his heart would have turned into a nervous little bird that had been trapped inside his chest at the thought that Mark Watney out of all people was just softly asking about possible future plans.

“Not really. At least not before… Not before you came back to us. And now the only thing that I would really really appreciate would us being, you know, _together_ , back on our little blue planet.”

For a moment, Mark was tempted to use this for a joke, but for once, he decided against it. Because though what Chris had said sounded like a cliché-line right out of a romantic movie, at the same time Mark was imagining the both of them sitting together on a wooden bench in front of their little house holding each other’s hands, and if that wasn’t a romance cliché then he knew none. 

 

“I’d really appreciate that too, Chris.”

“We could even go on a date to a restaurant that serves real food?”

Mark pretended a shocked expression before he answered, and what he said caused Chris to start laughing again.

“You think that would actually be possible? Sounds like heaven. As long as there aren’t any potatoes involved, of course.”

“Mark, I promise you I will never ever make you eat potatoes again, not once in your life.”

“That might be the most romantic thing I ever got told.”

“Oh, _really?_ More romantic than being told that one loves you?”

Mark smiled into the following kiss and started playing with Chris’ soft hair.

“Hmmm.”

Chris raised an eyebrow.

“Also more romantic than if one would tell you that they’d like to spend the rest of their life with you?”, the doctor whispered, his breath ghosting over Mark’s face when he pressed a kiss to his nose.

Mark’s words got stuck inside his throat when his brain processed what Chris had just said and if there suddenly was a tear in one of his eyes, none of them mentioned it. And who knows, maybe it took the two of them a few more minutes filled with kisses and feather light touches as well as dreams of a shared future before they got back to solving the mysteries of space.


	13. You're some kind of heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, the first chapter of this story was the very first thing that I ever published, and it somehow feels crazy to finish it now, nearly two years later. I wanna thank everyone who supported me with this story (especially all those who took the time to leave me a lovely comment), my favourite band Hurts, who always gave me the perfect chapter titles with their wonderful music, and my people who made these past two years two good ones. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart ❤︎

It was a nightmare that woke Chris, a rather horrible one in which he hadn’t been able to reach Mark, and he had been forced to witness him drift off into the black depths of space; Mars mocking them with a red grin. Chris woke up with a gasp leaving his lips, the feeling of an iron fist grabbing his heart still there, as well as the tear that was running down his cheek. He was shaken and tried to sit up, the images of the nightmare still lingering behind his eyelids.

Sitting up proved to be harder than expected, and the reason for that was enough for Chris’ heart to beat in a rather joyful rhythm again. Because what prevented him from moving was Mark’s arm on his chest; holding him close while Mark’s head rested close to Chris’ shoulder. Chris looked into Mark’s face, his features relaxed in his sleep, eyelashes slightly moving with what hopefully was a pleasant dream.

A few deep breaths later, Chris extended one of his hands, careful, oh so careful as not to wake Mark, and ran it through his love’s hair. And this moment felt so real, so _right,_ the two of them together in a bed that actually would have been considered as too small for two adults – but not for them, never for them. Chris knew that even in earth’s biggest king size bed they would be sleeping like this, cuddled together, never without their skin touching in one place or another. Because they needed this, needed each other, and sometimes, especially in moments like this, when a nightmare had tried to bury its claws in one of their hearts, needed to be close. Needed to _feel_ how this was reality, how they were together after everything they went through, and how none of them intended on ever letting go. 

Chris managed to shift even closer to Mark’s sleeping form; he rested one of his hands on his back and then he placed a feather light kiss to Mark’s forehead. When dreams started to invade Chris’ mind once again, they featured a little house on a hill and Mark who fixed a lawn mower with a smirk and a comment about how this wasn’t even close to being a challenge after everything he did to the rover and the MAV. In his sleep, a little smile started to spread on Chris’ lips.

 

When Chris woke up again, it was to Mark’s eyes looking at him. They just stared at each other, getting lost in each other’s gazes, and Chris had to swallow when he realized how this was the view he wanted to wake up to until the end of his days. There was something about Mark’s eyes, and the way they looked at Chris.. he wouldn’t have been able to put it into words, but Chris knew that Mark _saw_ him, and that his eyes were whispering _I love you_ just as much as Chris’ smile did.

“Hey handsome”, Mark finally said, and for a second, Chris wondered how they hadn’t realized their feelings for each other way sooner than they did. _Handsome,_ that’s not how you usually call your colleagues, and even if you did, it shouldn’t do the things to one’s heart that it always had done to Chris’ when it was just a friend who said this. 

“Chris?”, Mark asked when Chris missed to answer.

“Yes, I’m here”, the doctor answered, “We both are”, he added, still with a hint of wonder in his voice. That would probably never leave, the knowledge of how it had needed more than one miracle for them to be here now. And Chris wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

Later that day, Chris and Mark were standing together with the other crewmembers in front of the Hermes’s largest window, and somewhere between the myriad of diamond-like stars on a pitch-black sky, a familiar sight greeted them.

“There she is”, Rick said with a smile, and he pointed towards earth.

“That’s home”, Beth whispered, and Mark felt a tear on his cheek caused by her words. 

Chris noticed this, and with a finger that was only shaking a little, he wiped the tear away. Mark closed his eyes at the tenderness of this gesture, and when he opened them again, the earth was still there, waiting for him. 

Mark’s friends were still there too, surrounding him while bathing in happiness at the prospect of being home again. A home that they could have seen way earlier if it wasn’t for their love for him, and as if this wouldn’t have been enough of a miracle on itself, Mark knew that none of them regretted their decision. There really could have been no bunch of people crazier, braver and more awesome to be trapped in space with, and Mark knew that he had found a family here.

As well as he had found something else. Chris rested his head on Mark’s shoulder and Mark pulled the doctor close with an arm around his middle. And earth might be _home_ , but this was where he _belonged_. Surrounded by the Hermes family, and with Chris Beck’s warmth right next to him. There was nothing more that Mark could wish for – well, except for a real meal that neither contained potatoes or what NASA dared to call food, but Chris had promised him this. As well as so many other things, and when Mark whispered an “I love you” into Chris’ ear while they were getting closer and closer to earth, he knew that there had never been a truer statement to leave his lips.


End file.
